Babergh & Hadleigh Contemporary Political Practice & Theory

GCSE Paper I

Answer two of the three following questions:

·    *  When is an Independent not an Independent?

·    *  Compare and contrast Councillor Toad/Onan Barrett and Priti Patel (no conferring with past and present Prime Ministers allowed)

·     * Evaluate Councillor Queenie Dawson's code of conduct record against the Nolan Principles (limitless word count: use extra packs of paper as needed. Take your time. Pour a large whiskey. This one will take a while) 

I'm breaking out in a cold, cruel sweat here. Squeaky clerical bum time. I'd like to go for the third question, but for the spiritual life of me can't remember all seven of the principles. But then, self-evidently, neither can Queenie.

I'll take a punt (I did go to Cambridge University, after all) on the first two. 

When is an Independent not an Independent?

I think it was that abstract modernist playwright so beloved by Elizabethan (the first not the recently deceased) beatniks and dandies, William Shakespeare, who wrote that "A rose by any other name would smell as sweet".

Which just goes to show that the boy should never have hoofed it from Stratford to start a career in theatricals.  

I was reminded of this quote from the bad Bard's Romeo and Juliet on receiving Councillor Kathryn 'Grandone' Grandon's election letter. The Taylor family were all agog for - after having had our letterbox violated by both Alan 'Bolter' Ferguson's barely literate nonsense and the utter banality of the offering from the Veggies standing for the Green Party - we were looking for a bit of class.

Topped by the word Independent in a fetching shade of rose, Grandone's epistle to the electorate is short and so reasonably to the point.  

It does contain a nice little encomium from someone called Pierre Jouet, whom at first I misread as Perrier Jouet, suspecting that Grandone had picked up some expensive sponsorship from a champagne house. 

I couldn't help, though, but notice that her single line policy commitments weren't all that different from those espoused by both Bolter and Queenie. 

And, of course, in spite of being an Independent at present, she was initially elected as a Conservative. As the guest list at her recent Chairperson's charity bash would indicate, she does seem awfully friendly still with many, many Tory-types both here in Hadleigh and beyond. I wonder if she has retained her membership of Rishi's Rifles?

And other rumours, like an attack of wind in the night, have caused me some discomfort recently. There's talk, you see, at Babergh Towers, that Grandone might be minded to re-defect back to the Blues.

Vote Independent in Hadleigh and get a Conservative? But that wouldn't be ethical, would it?

Talking of ethics, I see that Hadleigh Mayor, Gordon 'Jilted John' Macleod is also standing as an Independent. However, he seems to pose the opposite conundrum to Grandone: the worry is not that he'll switch sides as soon as the count is announced, but that he might not even be allowed into the Independent group at Babergh.

Led by Clive 'Lordy Lord' Arthey, the Indies are a heterogenous (it accepts all sorts) bunch with the most basic admission requirements to join.

Except, Jilted John might not even manage it over this modest hurdle. The Indies you see, are very fond of the Nolan Principles mentioned earlier. And with Hadleigh Town Council under Jilted John's bizarre reign ignoring one code of conduct finding after another, there is pressure on Lordy Lord to veto his accession to the group, if he gets elected.

Vote Independent and get, well what, exactly? Hadleigh doesn't deserve another voice in the wilderness (or one in The Cock).

(With thanks to Ms Cassandra Fox, whose letter to Father Derek spurred us on to be beastly to (current) non-Tories. We are, after all, equal opportunities satirists) 

Compare and contrast Councillor Toad/Onan Barrett and Priti Patel

One is female, short and of south Asian heritage and the other is male, pale and, er, stale? Have I got that right?

One lives in the flea-pit that is deepest Essex and the other is fortunate enough to reside in Suffolk. 

One has a professional CV that is entirely dominated by politics, but does a spot of business on the side. The other has a professional CV that is entirely dominated by running a second-hand car business, but does a spot of politics on the side.

But both have been accused of being horrors to work with.

An investigation found that Not-so Priti Patel had broken the ministerial code following allegations of bullying across three different ministeries.

And Babergh's Biffer-in-chief, Toad/Onan Barrett has been censured yet again. 

This is hardly startling news. After all, Toad/Onan spends most of his time on the Council's naughty step for one infraction or another.

Yet he survives, just as Queenie does, because that's the Conservative culture de nos jours. No respect. No decency. No hope of redemption.

This time, he faces being banned from the planning committee for a year, assuming he survives the judgement day that is 4th May.

This extraordinary sanction has been prompted by Toad/Onan's disrespectful treatment of staff. 

Patel had a smidgin of decency to eventually resign, albeit before being pushed. Toad/Onan shows no such compunction. The voters of Sudbury will have to do it for him.

As Willy Shakespeare went onto say in Romeo and Juliet: "The world wags on / A rose will bloom / It then will fade / So does a youth / So does the fairest maid."

Local Conservative leader banned from planning committee if re-elected

Sian Dawson guilty of making false, offensive and derogatory statement

No show Grandon no better than others