Verily, we are in the End of Days.

The old is passing away and the new is being born. 

"Do you mean the Apocalypse is upon us?" asked Father Derek, wide-eyed with both zeal and just a little regret (I think he'd pushed his assignation with a lusty farming girl from Elmsett back until May).

"Not quite, young man, or certainly not the end of the world for absolutely everybody."

"What are you on about then?" he exclaimed, I thought rather impertinently.

"Many of things that were are likely to be no more, or at least rather different".

"Examples, please?" he insisted gratingly.

You know, don't you dear readers of the signs (and this column)?

Firstly, come Saturday, unless the Grecians offer us the gift of all surprises, Ipswich Town will finally make it out of the limbo that is League One. Uppa Towen!

Then on Thursday it's election time!

Having finally worked through the IKEA wardrobe-level postal voting instructions (there was a point, to my shame, when I was overheard muttering "You can stick your envelope B right up YOUR envelope A"), I can now confidently state that I have actively enfranchised myself for the very first time.

Whilst not wishing to violate the secrecy of the ballot box, my decision was decidedly less Uppa Towen! and more Downa Dawson! for Hadleigh North.

I confess though to scribbling a little love heart next to Queenie's name on my ballot paper. Whilst her political fate is now in God's, oh alright and in the voter's hands, I am grateful for all the material she's afforded me over the past few years.

I just don't think she should offer any more for the following ones. Cease and desist, dearie. She has my heart, but another name received my cross.

In Hadleigh South, all is certainly not well in Kathryn 'Grandone' Grandon's  campaign.

Reacting badly to my suggestion that she might be planning to switch to the Tories should she be elected as an Independent. She has also been complaining to her inner circle acolytes of a letter writer suggesting she would happily turn up for the opening of an envelope if a camera were involved, but doesn't bother herself with little things like attending Hadleigh Town Council meetings, or even sending in reports so our fine residents will know what she has been doing to actually serve her ward.

What she has most definitely not done is to deny any of the accusations. 

It's the electoral equivalent of a wild one-night stand involving too much cross-dressing (it was all a long time ago, honestly, and I had no head for mead then): go to sleep with Grandone the Independent, wake up with Grandone the Conservative. It's your call. 

And then on the following Saturday it's the coronation of HRH King Charles III! I must admit to being thrilled with the prospect of another Protestant Defender of the (actually our) Faith, although I understand that he's a bit more ecumenical than either Henry VII or Edward VI.

Maybe that's why there doesn't seem to be much bunting flapping around the town at the moment? I do believe Hadleigh's fine residents do like their sovereigns to be one thing and not the other. 

And Camilla is quite a thing in her own right, isn't she? But what is all this chitter-chatter about her title? Being Queen Consume, I think I've got that right, should be enough for any girl.

Another reason why the bunting isn't in evidence along the High Street at present might be to do with the gloomy outlook for many of its businesses. Quite a few shops have shut down and rumour reaches me that the venerable Keith Avis Newsagents and Printers is up for sale.

Whilst the retail sector is constantly changing, current trading conditions have meant that many firms are opting out as their current leases expire, amid fears that their landlords will further ratchet up the rent. A healthy High Street should be of benefit to more than the tight group of freeholders (nearly wrote freeloaders – silly me) who dominate it at present. 

That said, it looks as if we'll be getting a Lidl. Whilst the Co-op will always retain a loyal following, this news is a bit of a warning for the town's Moronson's: a store that combines the prices of Waitrose with the service levels of HMP Hollesley Bay. 

Could anymore be done to attract visitors to the town? It seems as if every recent initiative has under-achieved. Babergh's Hadleigh Vision is a meaningless concept. 

I'm also unsure as to what Visit Hadleigh has actually achieved, in spite of receiving loads of public money.

Stuart Service and his team have certainly created a rather attractive website, although I notice under the history of Hadleigh section that a certain sixteenth century martyr isn't referenced, although Grumpy Guts Guthrum is. Was it something I wrote, Stuart?