I'm still well stoked about the bangin' poem an anonymous Hadleigh-an sent in last time. But Squire Derek tells me 'movies' are the thing now, not narrative verse. None of you read epics anymore. It's all about the magic moving pictures innit.

And now I hear that some enterprising youngster is making an historical movie about local smugglers. Exciting. He's even managed to pry some kroner from the clammy fists of the Council of Elders.

Always one to adapt to circumstances, me. I mean, when things got tough I converted to Christianity right?

So, scrap the poetry idea. To 'raise my profile', as Squire Derek puts it, I need a 'biopic'. It will have thrills, spills, action: a battle or two, blood, gore, royal intrigue, great local scenery, and a dash of theological debate to give it a bit of class. Think 'The Crown' meets 'Braveheart' meets 'The Dig'.

I've actually been portrayed on screen a few times before. Swear down. Once memorably by a Michael York OBE no less. But that film was a blatant puff piece for you-know-who so I was never happy with it. Needs a total reboot.

I've started on the script. It doesn't have to rhyme so how hard can it be? Working title: 'Wind Of The Viking: Thunder On The Throne'.

I'll use local actors for authenticity (Editor note: he means to keep costs down). I see the local strolling players have lost their Hadleigh home. So I guess they really are strolling now, haha. If they're at a loose end, and willing to work for sítt and giggles, they could really help me out.

And to the young film-maker: when you've finished your smugglers crime caper and looking for your next project, get in touch. I'm all the subject you need. Roll cameras...

*Would you like to see a statue erected to commemorate Guthrum? or even watch a movie about the former King of East Anglia? Let us know my email [email protected] or by using the black Nub It button.