"The insolence!" I growled in Squire Derek's office. "Questioning their King's connection to Hadleigh. The bare-faced cheek of it."

I was ranting about the recent letter to Nub News, obvs. It demanded I prove my link to my own town. Odin's One Eye.

"In my day we knew how to deal with those who questioned the word of a royal personage", I declared. "By Frigg, what do you think Gallows Hill was for?"

"It doesn't work that way anymore I'm afraid", said Squire Derek. "We have the rule of law. It applies to everyone, royal or not. Just ask Prince Andrew."

"You mean if I want to do anything about this, I need a lawyer?" I said, not hiding my contempt for the profession. It was lawyers that drew up the treaty between me and Alfred the 'Great' (debatable) back in the day. Right stitch-up job that was.

Long story short, Squire Derek called a local firm of solicitors on my behalf. Won't say which one.

"Unfortunately", they said, "King Guthrum appears to be deceased, and the law of defamation only applies to the living. So, despite the many positive aspects to his case, we are sorry we cannot help him. That will be £200."

Typical. Rigged system or what.

"So according to this letter-writer", I roared, "I have to answer a load of questions to prove I have a right to a place here? What do they think I am? An asylum-seeker?"

"More like the Windrush scandal, actually", said Squire Derek. "You've been here for years, you belong here, but now you're being asked to produce the papers."

So there's enough proof to name a Hadleigh road, a tomb, and a house after me… but a statue? Suddenly, it's 'produce the papers'.

"But documentation wasn't our thing back then", I protested. "It was the Dark Ages. Clue's in the name."

Not gonna lie, I was a little disheartened. After over a thousand years, now you wanna disown me, Hadleigh? Maybe I should head for Haverhill. At least there they know how to treat their Viking celebs.

But no, I resolved not to slip away quietly. As the Venerable Bede used to say: haters gonna hate.

"What I need is a chronicler, not a lawyer. Someone to burrow into the records, track down the manuscripts, translate the histories. Get the receipts. Show the link between me and Hadleigh."

"Or you could Google it", muttered Squire Derek. "Takes five minutes to find."

Whatever it was, this 'Google' option sounded promising.

"By Odin's beard", I cried, "Then find me a Google-sage. Search the whole kingdom. Every town, hamlet, village and hovel. Every wood, every cave. Find such a wizard and bring them to me. Have them work their arcane magic, whatever it may involve, whatever the cost."

"I can Google it for you", said Squire Derek. "That'll be £200."

[L]https://hadleigh.nub.news/n/letter-to-guthrums-ghost[L+]Read the letter that so angers the Sprit of Guthrum, here...[L]