It's all happening just off the Hadleigh Bypass, isn't it?

Firstly, the monument to myself and Richard Yeoman was, apparently, the object of various fevered devotions. I say 'apparently' as I wasn't actually invited to the jolly, only finding out thanks to a helpful missive from Jan 'Marie Antoinette' Byrne.

I am grateful to Marie Antoinette, as her epistle contained lots of interesting intelligence, if precious few apostrophes. (If her keyboard is stuck, that chappie who fell out with Angela Gregg over the first of Hadleigh's foodbanks might be able to assist, I understand).

Apparently, whatever a collective noun of American is (a warfare? Only kiddin') turned up unannounced, claiming to be descendants of mine and the goodly Mrs Taylor. 

Rather commendably, Mayor 'Jilted John' Mcleod dashed home to his dressing up box and came back disguised as Parker, Lady Penelope's driver from Thunderbirds, before helpfully escorting the Taylorettes to Aldham Common.

I must admit to being slightly taken aback as to why they would bother with such a pilgrimage. Given that Mrs T knocked out nine healthy kiddies nearly 500 years ago, a quick calculation on my trusty slide rule would suggest that there must hundreds of thousands of such relatives. 

Aldham Coommon

We're as common as muck, as well as common near Aldham! 

Perhaps that's why Visit Hadleigh still makes no reference to me – they're keen to dissuade yet more Taylorettes from pitching up and demanding tea and crumpets from Jilted John?

It's not that I'm not flattered. It's just that all this genealogical effort leaves me baffled. Why spend so much time trying to ascertain the name of your 9th cousin, 15 times removed when you don't know the name of your present neighbours!

In Heaven, such connections are superfluous as we are all as one in our adoration of God.

I now see that there's even a Faithbook page devoted to gathering together all my descendants. From this I see that I have a connection to a previous US president. Sadly not The Donald. Nor even 'Tricky Dicky' Nixon. 

Zachary Taylor, short-lived American president

Rather, a sap called Zachary Taylor whose most significant achievement whilst in office appears to be dying only 16 months into his tenure, caused allegedly by a surfeit of cherries and ice cream. 

I think I'm right in observing that the former rarely and the latter slightly more frequently appear on Starbucks' menus. 

But I may never have the chance to experience the delights that they do offer, if  Hadleigh Town Councillor William 'Solid Bill' Wilson gets his way.

For Solid Bill has set his sights against a Starbucks being given planning permission on the 'new' estate just off the junction between the Bypass and Lady Lane. 

He's even started a petition against it. I found it wryly amusing (ie moderate to low levels of guffawing) that one of his arguments was that "the design of the signage is not in keeping with the emerging Neighbourhood Plan."

This is the same emerging Neigbourhood Plan that has been in gestation for geological epochs and which until it is approved has no value whatsoever.

Anti Hadleigh investement 'Solid Bill' Wilson

Unlike the bright lights of places like Lavenham and Debenham, Hadleigh Town Council has since 2014 dithered and dallied in getting its Plan in order. I seem to recall that Solid Bill was the chair of the Plan sub-group thingy for quite a few years, so maybe it's a particularly sore point with him.

And finally, I must opine on the vexatious issue of the Bypass's verges, some of which seem to have been trimmed, others having been left to grow so tall that they hide the sins of the whole town.

Personally, I'm quite relaxed by the sight of unkempt bushes. Although my advice is not to go poking around them for fear of what one might find. Amen!