Rowland Taylor's Ghost: F-OFF, Big G, Queenie Dawson, Toad Barrett and LINO

By Guest

8th Apr 2022 | Opinion

I see that someone in the spectre-sphere has sent myself and 'Big G' Guthrum an email (the 'e' being for ectoplasm) invitation.

The Scandi Noir spirit was so chuffed that he spluttered out the Holy Sacrament as we were at communion when the communication arrived. Once a messy eater, always a messy eater.

It would appear that some earthly sap has decided to celebrate the life and achievements of Tommy Wolsey.

Or as we used to call him: the Friar – Our Fat Friend. Or F-OFF for short.

F-OFF, of course, is probably better known as the Ipswich lad who made it big, not least as the Cardinal charged with securing good King Henry's divorce for Mrs Tudor No. 1.

As every schoolchild knows, a little like Joe Hart, he fumbled the ball into his own net, precipitating both his own demise and that of the Church of Rome across our land.

In spite of that ignominy, F-OFF is to be accorded the dignity of a series of commemorative events next year on the 550th or quite possibly the 551st (doesn't sound so rounded now, does it?) anniversary of his birth.

Apparently, there will be 550 days' worth of events: which was, as I recall, about as long as one of his dinners.

I bear F-OFF no ill-will. Indeed, I was at Cambridge completing my studies in the year that he expired. But this, we would hope, will be a chance for the organisers to refer to other local spiritual celebs as well, just to big the whole thing up that little bit more.

I'm certainly on standby for a little light haunting next year.

The thing that haunts me at the moment, though, is the future direction of Babergh District Council.

For I confess: honey, I shrunk the cabinet.

Imagine my ghostly surprise when Babergh's Generalissimo John Ward was told to take umbrage at my recent comments about Queenie Dawson and Toad Barrett by, er, quite possibly the self-same Queenie Dawson and Toad Barrett.

It seems that the things they do and the things they say, when repeated back to them, give them the heebeegeebees.

Rather than disciplining the gruesome twosome into playing nice in his cabinet, he took the easy-peasy way out.

He did so by sacking Father Derek, the Revd Editor of this parish newsletter. In quick succession the other Independents exited in solidarity with him.

Presumably, Generalissimo is now scrabbling around to fill the gaps from within the depleted ranks of his own Conservative Group to form a minority administration. Doubtless, every single remaining Tory councillor will soon be in the cabinet. All must have prizes!

From this angle, Generalissimo appears to be a LINO: Leader In Name Only.

Do you know your Shakespeare? Obviously, the scribbler was active after my earthly innings was called out and I do find his modern use of the vernacular somewhat jejeune. I'm always surprised that he has caught on so much, really.

Yet his King Lear rather reminds me of Generalissimo in his current predicament. Having got rid of or lost his most able advisers, he seems to be dependent on Queenie and Toad, the Regan and Goneril of our times.

Things turned out rather grim and bloody for Lear. I wonder if matters might metaphorically follow suit for Generalissimo?

After all, he backs charging for short stay car parking and Queenie adamantly doesn't. Unless Babergh has turned into Schrodinger's Council, both cannot be successful.

If between now and the election in 2023, car parking charges are imposed, Generalissimo wins and Queenie loses. If they are not introduced in that time, Queenie triumphs and Generalissimo is bested.

So it's Queenie versus Generalissimo. Generalissimo versus Queenie.

More importantly than all of this is the fact that Holy Week approaches and thereafter Easter.

This is the most important period in the Christian calendar and is marked by believers as a time of deep reflection on Jesus' final days, betrayal and execution, followed by the joy of His resurrection.

Grace, peace and mercy to all readers of Hadleigh Nub News at this special time of year!

Rowland Taylor's Ghost is a resident from the Hadleigh area whose views are very much his own.

Controversial columnist will not be gagged

The Big G column

*Scroll on top picture for more images.

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