"Off with their heads!"

Queens, whether of the actual or fictional versions, always make me nervous.

I think that it must be due to my having lived my earthly life during the reign of Mary Tudor. After all, it was her anti-Protestant pogroms that lead me to go to the fire for the faith on Aldham Common all those years ago.

And it must be said that for such a small market town, Hadleigh really does 'enjoy' a surfeit of female monarchs. Some of these queens naturally inspire loyalty, whereas others seek to impose loyalty on others.

Obviously the big Q in all of this is Her Majesty Queen Elizabeth II, who celebrates 70 years atop the throne this year.

There are lots of events and a couple of days-worth of extra holidays to mark this milestone. And regardless as to whether one is a maniacal monarchist or an unrepentant republican, there can be little argument that QE2 is someone for whom her Christian faith is at the very centre of everything she does.

A more localised queen is Angela Gregg. After a rather bumpy start, not least the launch of a competitive food bank by her erstwhile co-founder, Ms Gregg's venture seems to be very much coming into its own.

It has expanded to become the Fresh Start Charity and now provides a fine range of good works to those most up against it – and that means a growing number of souls battered by rising prices, lack of opportunities and health issues – and now runs no fewer than three charity shops.

Another Hadleigh queen, or rather one who now commands queenly riches, is Wendy Brame. As Hadleigh Town Council's clerk she was one of Maritime Minns' piratical crew.

With Maritime having walked his own plank, so to speak, after one questionable decision after another, Mrs Brame has just been given a ginormous, whacking great wage increase.

In fact, she has been bunged nearly £257.15 a week extra! Unlike her fellow workers who will receive, er, absolutely nothing extra.

Now I know that inflation is running at historic highs, but I never knew we were at Weimar-levels. I look forward to Mrs Brame carrying her wad of extra weekly notes from the Guildhall in a wheelbarrow.

For this largesse from the unconsulted Hadleigh council taxpayers, Ms Brame is truly the Pirate Queen.

And, if I may, I'd like to deliver a direct note to Maritime's replacement as mayor, on whose watch this decision was taken and who was responsible for the secretive way it was handled.

Mayor Gordon McLeod: you come from that brave cohort of men and women who put their lives at risk to put out fires. Don't go starting political fires that will rage like the flames of Hell and will singe many reputations, including your own.

Alluding to the iconic 1970s hit by Jilted John, Gordon, please don't be a …… well you know how it goes.

Which brings me, on my bloodied supplicant's knees, up to the dias upon which Hadleigh's self-appointed best-ever regal personage plonks her royal bottom: Councillor Queenie Dawson.

I do worry about Queenie. Her recent column for another Hadleigh publication was an ego-trip of epic proportions. In it, you rather get the impression that she sits at the centre of her own universe and the rest of us are merely there to orbit subserviently around Gloriana's glory.

Using sub-QE1 lingo she writes of 'her Public Realm' and as regards to trees brought down by the recent storms, she offers a personal guarantee 'where I can deliver a response promptly". Don't tell me some flunky has issued Queenie with a chainsaw?

Of course, it's not 'her' public realm and she won't be chopping up deadwood like an artisan lumberjack. Babergh employs teams of folks to do that.

Talking of deadwood, whilst right on the issue of car parking charges, in every other regard Queenie and her bestie Councillor Toad Barrett from Sudbury have managed to bring the Cabinet to a near-complete grinding halt.

Councillors from all parties and senior staff are in despair, apparently. The atmosphere created by Queenie and Toad is turning everything poisonous. Trust and relationships are being chopped to pieces even more quickly than Queenie can shred a sycamore.

What to do? Essentially, it's an internal Conservative group matter. It's time that Generalissimo Ward puts his underpants over his elasticated slacks and disciplines Queenie and Toad, before they stage their coup d'etat.

If not, maybe the Independents need a go at forming an administration with the Greens and Lib Dems?

The Independent group leader is one Clive 'Lordy Lord' Arthey. He's a Kersey lad and a landowning aristo of the old school, who puts the phew back into feudalism and whose contempt for the frolicking nonsense of fashion is such that he has on and off over the years boldly worn a mullet.

He might just be the man for our troubled times.

Rowland Taylor's Ghost is a resident from the Hadleigh area whose views are very much his own.

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A previous version of this article stated that Wendy Brame was earning "nearly £300 a week extra". This was misleading; Mrs Brame's actual salary increase was equivalent to an additional £257.15 per week. This correction has been published following an upheld ruling by the Independent Press Standards Organisation.