I was in the middle of a full Danish in Huffer's yesterday morning when Squire Derek rushed in looking excited.

"You'll love this, Big G", he said.

He showed me an announcement about a group that's been set up to promote yours truly. "They're going to big you up", he said, helping himself to a piece of my bacon. "Not a bad result, eh?" Not gonna lie, as I read about it I welled up. After a thousand years, finally someone in this town cares. "People want to know what you think", said Squire Derek. He reckons the office has been literally inundated with a letter about it. Well, I'm chuffed, obvs. Right stoked.

But I'm out of the loop. I asked Squire Derek to introduce me to this group. He said it was a bad idea. He wasn't sure how they would react. "Never meet your heroes", he muttered.

"But what about my idea for a statue on the Conch, with marble steps leading up from the River Walk? They need to see my plans", I said, pulling out the scraps of paper with my rough drafts.

"Better leave them to get on with it in their own way", said Squire Derek, wiping some of my egg from his chin. "But they are going to need dosh. Now would be a good time to tell me where your royal hoard is buried. I can dig it up for you…"

Didn't like the direction the convo was going. And then it hit me: "How can I moan about being forgotten by the people of Hadleigh now?" Squire Derek said not to worry. "You'll find a way", he said, putting a sausage into his pocket. *Editor's note: Perhaps Guthrum, and indeed any of his subjects, should get in touch with the trustees at [email protected] King Guthrum's tourism and economy boost for Hadleigh