Father Derek of this parish recently ran an article announcing that nominations had opened for this year's national councillor awards. 

Excited by the prospect of a south Suffolk representative finally receiving the recognition they deserved, I scrolled up and down the list of categories in vain for the "Biggest Babergh Buffoon (by far)" category. 

No such award exists, of course, which is a tragedy as Simon 'Toad' Barrett would have been a shoo-in. 

The corpulent Conservative, er, member for one of the Sudbury seats found himself up before the Council's beak facing charges of having made an obscene hand gesture to Generalissimo Ward, leader of the ruling rainbow coalition. 

In his report of the 'event' and subsequent code of conduct investigation, poor Father Derek had to employ his very coyest circumlocution, referring to a "movement involving an almost closed fist shaken at the wrist." 

We know what he means. 

Councillor Barrett frittering away party's political influence

Toad is, essentially, a tiresome Toytown Trump, trying – rather too hard – to defy the usual rules of political gravity by acting in a manner that most of his fellow pols, and certainly local residents, would consider beyond the pale. 

Or perhaps Toad just wanted to impress Queenie Dawson as to the extent of his manual dexterity? 

The opposition Tory front bench is looking more and more like a lobotomised version of the Bash Street Kids – incoherent, anarchic and no longer funny. 

In either case, Toad has come a cropper and as a result of an internal Babergh investigation will be forced to make a full, public apology at the next full council meeting. 

Why does all this childishness matter? 

It matters because every council needs an effective opposition to call the governing party or parties to account. With the prospect of short-term car parking charges once again back on the agenda, it is vital that the opposition operates in a purposeful and professional manner, utilising its efforts in a forensic critique of this and other proposals. 

Instead, under Toad's tutelage, its diminishing political capital is being frittered away by his self-indulgent nonsense and his failure to build grown-up political alliances. The Conservative Party needs to do better.

If Toad hasn't got it in him to be a proper opposition leader, then let's hope Brian 'Chernobyl' Riley gets elected next year to provide the calm and stable qualities required (I might be joking at this point. You decide). 

Truly Toad Barrett is an Onanist. 

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