What does the Metropolitan Police Service and Hadleigh Town Council have in common?

That is aside from the obvious shared love of showy, braided outfits displayed by their respective senior representatives. 

Although, to be fair the bling being borne by the current Met Police Commissioner in question is less eye-catching than the swishing, sashaying new gowns so beloved by Gordon 'Jilted John ' Macleod. Who, by the way, is not thinking of auditioning for RuPaul's Drag Race, whatever you may be thinking to the contrary. 

I'm referring to their shared cultures of secrecy, cover-ups and a fundamental distrust of the media and, Heaven forfend, the public, scrutinising their actions and use of what is ultimately the public's hard-earned dosh.

Now, there is clearly a hierarchy in toxic cultures and the capital's mass ranks of truncheon-bearers is very firmly ensconced in the top slot of the Moral Turpitude Premier Division.

This is not just because of the heinous crimes of Wayne Cousens (may he burn in Hell until the last minute of the Last Day) and David Carrick (may he burn in Hell until the second from last minute of the Last Day).

It is firstly due to the systemic nature of such behaviours. Protestors recently dumped 1,071 bad apples in front of Scotland Yard: one each for every officer being investigated for domestic abuse or violence against women.

But the prevalent culture which accepted, ignored and covered-up such and similar behaviours has also been a key, contributory factor.

Now, in this league of less-than moral cultures, don't panic! Hadleigh is not being ruled by Babylon-on-the-Brett. The girls and boys at the Guildhall are pretty much where you'd expect: the upper half of the Thurlow Nunn.

But that is bad enough. 

Father Derek and scribblers from other, admittedly less theologically sound, titles have been reporting for years on the Town Council's occluded decision-making and flexible attitude to following their own procedures.

From the severance agreement for a previous town clerk, to the selection process which resulted in the hiring of the current incumbent through to the costs of the cemetery extension and this year's budget setting, Mcleod's merry men and women, with a few most honourable exceptions, energetically evade public scrutiny and blame others for daring to question their wisdom and ethics.

That Jilted John has taken Trappist monk-level vows of silence in talking to the media is further proof positive of a defensive and self-justifying culture.

Mcleod, happy to pose for photos, but not speak on issues

Last Thursday's town council meeting saw another case in point. Rolf 'Astrotruf' Beggerow gave such a rambling and chesseparing defence as to why he was ignoring the findings of an independent Code of Conduct investigation against him that I thought he'd elevated himself to the status of bishop.

Truly, his ignorance was invincible. That I am alluding to a doctrine from, you know, the other side of the great religious schism of our times (alright my earthly times) tells you everything you need to know as to how seriously I take this case.

Astroturf also metaphorically shook his little fist at the media for causing him anxiety.

Let me address Astroturf directly. 

You have a privileged position as a councillor. 

You have a state-sponsored platform upon which to speak and make decisions. 

You are a custodian of monies legally taken from the pockets of citizens (£128 per year for a Band D property, nearly as much as Generalissimo's Babergh levies and they at least lift the bins now and then). 

You are accountable to both those who pay you and more broadly to the Nolan Principles of public life. 

But those who pay you have busy, stressful lives and do not have the time or always the knowledge as to how to keep tabs on you.

That is our part to play. Journalists and columnists have a role in calling you and all councillors to account so as to level up this (non-3G) playing field.

Hadleigh United treasurer and town councillor Rolf 'Astro-turf' Beggerow has conflict of interest

This is not about you personally Councillor Astroturf. This is about the very heart of democratic accountability.

Should councillors mark their own or each other's homework, or should they hand it in to the invigilator of public opinion?

It is not our fault that the Beggerow brand is becoming synonymous with bullshit. You only have yourself to blame.

And we will - we must - continue asking the awkward questions. Forever and ever. Amen!