I must confess that there's trouble at chapel.  

Myself and Revd Editor have been hurling the church kneelers at each other in recent days. Part of me thinks he's been at the communion wine as well, not least as his aim as been all over the place.  

This week's evensongs have been more about getting even with no singing at all. 

All the curates have moved out to Aldham Common and are sleeping rough next to the obelisk dedicated to my roasting.  

Things are getting so bad that ploughshares have been beaten back into swords at the old blacksmiths, which might explain the damage to the front of the building in Bridge Street. 

The cause of this schism? 

A woman, of course.   Her name? Doctor councillor Queenie Dawson,– a person so divisive she makes Marmite look like Mother Teresa (now that's a hanging simile for you).  You see, Revd Editor isn't a fan. Whilst yours truly…. well, as a Hadleigh spectre I've been bemoaning the lack of senior councillors from our town and I'm rather impressed that Queenie recently bagged the environment brief in Generalissimo's Babergh war cabinet.  Within her new domain, Queenie has responsibility for the Ipswich-based council's car parks, including those in good old Hadders.  It seems that Queenie has done a QE1 and seen off an Armada of proposals, originally backed by Generalissimo, to reduce the hours of free car parking from the current three to a very mean one. She – and many others – argue that this will sink many High Street shops as it will deter shoppers just as they are returning in numbers to do their physical shopping.   The dim-witted package of reforms has been pushed back and back and now thanks to Queenie will only be reviewed in early 2023. Which means they won't be as guess what? Babergh elections are due to be held in May that year. Even Generalissimo – the Tommy Cooper of leaders ("now you see my majority, now you don't!") – won't wish to sacrifice any more seats to the hodge-podge of alternatives on offer, especially the growing Independent Group.  In a further blow to Generalissimo Cooper, he's been forced to further expand the size of his cabinet with another Tory rival, one Simon Barrett, a larger-than-life Toad of Toad Hall character and used-car salesman as his finance chief with a brief to balance the books without losing free car parking. Poop, poop!  Revd Editor has got rather hot under the dog collar and published a piece that accuses Queenie of not really caring about the High Street after all due to how she treated a local tradesperson. This in turn has prompted Generalissimo to issue a public statement defending Queenie, even though she's basically undermined his 'signature' policy.  The rationale for reducing free parking was that Babergh needed to cover the costs of their 'management'. This is all about perception. Babergh sees free car parking as a cost, rather than as an investment in attracting shoppers and tourists into Hadleigh and Sudbury    But if the Council was serious about making savings, it really should look no further than cutting down on the growing forest of directors, assistant directors and other very well remunerated roles that don't seem to benefit us one little bit.  

So, hurrah for Queenie and her retinue! Long life to yer, yer majesty!  

Whilst gambling is a sin, even I'd wager that this reversal makes it more likely that Generalissimo's Christmas cards will include his resignation letter.  Now back to prayers of reconciliation with Revd Editor. What ARE you doing with that large crucifix, Father Derek………?  *Add your article, news story, club or group update, feature or letter, by using the black Nub It button on the home page.